10 Ways to Spot a Computer Geek

This is what happens when I get left alone with my brain. I think of really odd stuff. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not insulting computer geeks, hell I AM one and have been for years. I just started thinking of all the dead giveaways that show the world you’re a geek and decided to put them down.

If you, your loved ones, or friends can relate to 3 or more of these, congratulations. You’re a Computer Geek.

1. The Mouse Callous – Every veteran computer geek has a callous under their mouse hand just above the wrist which is thicker depending on how many years they’ve been geeks. I’m sure if I had placed an odometer on it years ago, it would probably have the same mileage as a car built in 1954 by now because it’s about as thick as tree bark.
2. Corrective Eye Wear – From years upon years of staring at a CRT at 60 hz refresh, I’ve ended up having to correct my degrading vision with lenses or corrective surgery of some kind. My glasses can stop a bullet.
3. Frequent Computer-Oriented References – You’ve used the phrase “3.5 inch floppy” in a sexual reference more than once. Don’t lie.
4. Over Consumption of Caffeine – Most people drink 2 cups of coffee per day on average. We consume 20 or more. On my desk, it’s not uncommon to spot a fully brewed pot…oddly enough, still in the pot. What the hell, it has a handle and a spout so it works just like a giant mug anyway right? I just pop the crème and sugar right in.
5. Gadgets Galore – We computer geeks LOVE gadgets. Everything from rearview mirrors for our monitors to sunglasses that have built-in mp3 players and Bluetooth handsfree. If you spot any of these on your friends and loved ones, chances are, they’re too far gone and their transformation into a Technosexual is nearly complete.
6. Geek Shirts Are Funny – If you remember this on the Simpsons: “C:/DOS, C:/DOS RUN, RUN DOS RUN” and you found it funny, God help you.
7. Role Playing is Normal - You log into your favorite MMORPG every Friday Night to have a few drinks with your friends in the local watering hole and kill a few mobs later on. Chances are, you found the Southpark WoW episode REALLY funny. I know I did.
8. Multiple Instant Messenger Programs Running Simultaneously – AIM, MSN, Yahoo, GTalk, ICQ (Is that even still around?), and one or two of the more obscure ones run 24/7 in your system tray. They’re like a text-based answering machine because when someone sends you a message and you’re not there, they automatically reply with “I’m currently away from my computer…” but you’re not REALLY away…are you?
9. Ultra High Speed Internet Connection - You brag to your friends that you can download every episode of Star Trek in 4 seconds flat. You have a fiber optic tube running out of your home/basement the diameter and length of the Lincoln Tunnel.
10. Multiple Computers and Electronic Gadgets in the Home all Networked and Internet Enabled – This is the single biggest identifier of a computer geek known to man. Every room in the home has a computer of some kind and has access to the internet. Even your gadgets are internet-enabled like your TV, Fridge, and home theatre system which streams music from the internet to your pc and then over WiFi network to its receiver. Your toilet flushes itself after you’re done, your dog has a GPS Collar, you can communicate with your car (and it with you) using your cellphone/PDA, and just about every function from drawing the drapes to watering your lawn is controlled by voice command.

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